To begin I just want to let everyone know this will be the only time I post anything regarding my story and how I got to where I am today. I promise everything else I post will be focused on lacrosse Let me begin by telling you a little about myself, particularly my extremely difficult decision to step away from the game after 11 years of playing and 6 years of coaching.
Last October my wife and I were extremely grateful to welcome our daughter into our lives, and after a lot of discussions and debating I decided I was going to continue to coach where I was the Head Coach at Berks Catholic High School in Reading, PA. The season got off to a great start and I could not have been more excited to be back on the sidelines. We had a strong experienced defense and a young but talented offense that I knew had a chance to make a good playoff run. We played some tough games to start the year and dropped one or two I thought we should have had but that made it so much more enjoyable to me knowing that there was still a lot of thing we could improve on as the season progressed. However, as the season went on I began to think more and more about all the time I was missing out on with my daughter which made it harder to enjoying being with the team at practices and games.
One night about halfway through the season upon returning home from an away game that was an hour away, I sat down on the couch next to my wife and told her that I don’t think I can do this for another year. To miss out on 4 months of my daughter’s life every year was not worth it to me no matter how much I love the game of lacrosse. I told her I was going to continue to give a full commitment to the team for the rest of the season and once our season came to an end I would let the school know I would not be returning for the next season. After making that decision, the pain of missing seeing my daughter grow up slightly lessened knowing that there was a light at the end of the tunnel which allowed me to enjoy the remaining time I had with the team.
After a successful season and a tough road playoff loss the realization hit me on my final bus ride back to the school. As much as I hated squeezing onto a school bus for an hour to and from games, I spent that entire ride home thinking about how much I would miss being on that bus with the guys that gave me so much throughout the season. When I was a player I hated all of the conditioning, the outdoor practices in 20 degree weather, and all the things outside of lacrosse we were forced to miss out on due to our commitment to the team. But when the clock hit zero of my final collegiate game and I walked into the locker room teary eyed and in shock knowing I would never be able to play in that competitive manner again, I though about everything I would have given to be able to keep doing those things I hated so much. While as a coach the physical work was not nearly as taxing as being a player, I still formed a bond with my players that made walking away so difficult. Having been through all of the late practices, hard fought wins and tough losses I formed a bond with these kids that I wouldn’t be able to replace with anything else. That bond, formed through all the hard work put it to achieve a common goal, is the thing I knew I would miss the most which made that bus ride so long and difficult. Upon arriving back to the school I informed the kids that we would be doing our uniform turn in and end of season individual reviews the next day at our locker room where I decided I would inform them of my decision.
The next day when I arrived at the locker room, I let my assistance coaches know I would not be returning next season which seemed to catch them off guard but they understood my reasoning behind it. Once the players arrived and we collected all the uniforms, I thanked everyone for all their hard work and dedication they put into the season and then took a deep breath. In the spilt second before I told them I would not be coming back I thought I was going to cry but knowing how a group of high school boys would’ve never let that go without mocking it for years, I told myself to keep it together. After the words fell out of my mouth and I told everyone how thankful I was for all time and effort they put it to make this decision so difficult, I said my goodbyes hopped in my car and headed home. Upon arriving home to see my wife sitting on the floor next to my daughter, both of them with big smiles on their faces I knew that no matter how hard the decision was and how much I will miss being on the sideline, that I had made the right decision.
Since that day that I informed my players of my difficult decision my wife and I have found out we are expecting our son into our lives in April which only reassures me I made the right choice. However, even knowing that I made the right choice I still found myself struggling to come to terms with the fact that I will not be coaching this season. This time of year is when I always began to set up our preseason workouts, draw up our formations and sets and not having that to do this year has been difficult. While I am excited that I have arranged to help out with the local youth lacrosse program 2 days a week until our son is born, it is not the same as knowing I could have been putting in hours of hard work with a group of kids who all shared the same goal as me.
After sitting back and constantly thinking about how much I will miss coaching, I have decided that I need to do something to replace it, which led me to share my experience here with you. While this will probably be the only time I share the feelings I have regarding my personal experiences I am grateful to have done so and thank you for taking the time to reading them.
Lacrosse Concepts 